let all of me survive this journey
let nothing of me be destroyed by this mad magitech city
let my mind not be forever dulled by the fury of sensation
let my body not be forever polluted by the swarm of filth
let my soul not be forever ruined by this temple of an alien god
let me not be tempted to murder any people
let me not be tempted to murder this city
let me not be tempted to murder this civilization
I move
as quickly as I can
gliding dodging dancing sidestepping
avoiding ducking weaving floating
hyperaware surrounded by threats all combat instincts active
an arm grabs for me I move away
a horse-drawn cart rumbles toward me I move away
a fog of blue smoke erupts toward me I move away
a face leers at me I move away
a shower of metal sparks from an anvil hisses at me I move away
a puddle of filth oozes across the path I move away
wrapped in a shapeless garment
meant to shield my body and face from the sight of men
but it does not work
they see my grace and shape they call at me and try to touch me
their faces their stances their movement sharp focused predatory
they ignore their own kind they ignore other women they focus on me
they see me as prey to be caught and consumed
I move away I move away I move away
but always there are more
a neverending swarm of hot hungry filth
part of me wants to kill them I could it would be easy
unleash elder magic into their arrogant young faces
burn away their desires in a purifying flame
chill their hot blood with the coldness of the dark eternal void
but I resist the temptation I remain calm
I move away
through the hood covering my head
meant to shield my eyes from the barrage of sensation
but it does not work
a mountain of madness
buildings clinging to rock like fungus on a rotting log
people scurrying about like beetles in a corpse
vehicles oozing about like worms in a dungheap
bright dawn sun tainted by dark smoke
shimmering steaming haze of heated air
machines metal cement sharp brutal shiny
lines angles grids harsh monotonous patterns
filth ugliness trash refuse scraps oozing sliding sagging
paint glimmer flashing crude icons
stealing my attention subverting my focus
making me look making me see
making my mind race exhausted numbed
through the filter mask over my face
meant to shield my nose from the barrage of sensation
but it does not work
stench of burning oil
reek of sharp chemicals
burn of pitch
farts and dung and piss and sweat
of a thousand goblins
and a hundred horses being cruelly worked to death
and dozens of animals mad with fear
being whipped goaded tortured herded to slaughter
stalls full of foul things no sane being would consume
coffee drugs processed crud pretending to be food
the smells blown in my face trying to tempt me but it only makes my throat constrict
carnal stunted lust of young men living broken ruined misshapen lives
desperately grasping for something natural something wild some ecstasy of life
further poisoning themselves and all around them
twisting themselves into malevolent soulless abominations of blind reeking desire
I hear
through wax earplugs
trying to shield myself from the barrage of sensation
but it does not work
lame halting limp of a woman with knees and back ground down by a lifetime of brutal toil
brutal clop clop clop of metal nailed into the foot of a horse slamming on cobblestones
steel-shod wagon wheels bouncing rattling slamming squealing on the street
tortured squeal of metal springs trying and failing to protect passengers from jolting slamming ride
screeches of market vendors trying to steal my attention and force me into trade
shouts of the half-deaf trying to make themselves heard
triumphant arrogant screech of a factory whistle commanding living beings to serve a lifeless monster at its whim
I feel
with my raw sensitive soul that nothing can shield
a vast stirring both young and ancient
a god beyond gods
eating the world
digging up all that is foul and ancient
burning black rotten oozing fossils of ancient dead things
consuming all that is good and clean
destroying all art all beauty all value all consciousness all shared valuesfor nothing but a temporary advantage in a pointless game
a vast engine following no sapient will following its own malevolent alien desires of growth at all costs
that must either collapse in agony or create modrons that consume the universe
or be mercifully cauterized by a wiser civilization
starvation loneliness oppression blind reeking fear pain madness
souls chained to a tortured half-life instead of mercifully passing on
I move I try not to see I move I try not to smell I move I try not to hear I move I try not to feel I move
I finally find it The Golden Snail Martin's restaurant and when I step inside I love him so much more
it
is
calm
peace
shielded
protected
tasteful elegance
the light dimmed
the auras blocked
the sounds muffled
the scents scrubbed
refuge from the horror outside
designed by Martin Cooper
to be a place
where all people
can feel comfortable
and all can eat
sharing
the same meal
the same environment
the same peaceful elegance
nobody has their senses assaulted
or their bodies poisoned
or their soul lost
and as I recover
from the assault of the city
I know
that even though Martin has never met me
he loves me
he knows me
he understands me
he wants to protect me
he makes a place for me
I am served cool clear spring water
in a silver pitcher
by a graceful person
who understands my pain
and wordlessly ushers me
into a private room to wait
I wait
I wait with my eyes closed
meditating
recovering
finding my focus
for what will surely be a hard meeting after a hard morning
I smell
orc musk and armor polish and fresh clothing dyes and too much makeup and hair poisoned by toxic chemicals and the tang of magic and underneath it all dying crying to be felt there is the cool clear smell of rivers and sailboats
I smell
a goblin body poisoned to its core by foul pollution of alchemy blood flowing with alien chemicals already halfway a mummy my eyes actually tear up from a dozen clawing smells of drugs and acid
I smell
nothingness empty soulless unnatural cleanliness a freshly bathed high-elf who glides through life accepting nothing touching nothing always cleaning living in nature but refusing to be a part of it
I smell
a freshly washed clean goblin scented with pycnanthemum and pine and a few drops of expensive perfume from an elf court but underneath it gnawing clawing inescapable the odor of a lifetime of tools and machines and oil and grease and old stale books and young bleached books and the nervousness and fear of a prey animal pretending to be big in the sight of predators
I smell
a foul thin shell of ancient magic and whalebone and mothballs and silk surrounding a rich core of stirring human youth nature clean living running through forests
and they are all here
so I open my eyes and join them
and dance the social dance as all people must
as these five women these strangers lonely scared ambitious
size each other up and fight each other with their brains in the dance of dominance
for in the end we are all beasts though we think ourselves superior
because we fight with wits and words instead of claws and fangs
but it is all the same in the end
but I hold myself aloof
avoiding all fights
accepting no challenges
being the guide the example of peace and contentment
the effortless way of nature
they will see they will learn like children they must grow to understand
I will help them develop I will help them grow
and together we will enact the will of the gods and the spirits of the land
Next (Mabellyne)
Next Tsinta
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